Not Just the Winter Blahs

I wasn’t sure whether or not to post this, but I am not just a happy, giggly, bouncy person. I have a lot more to me and so I’m going to let you all in a bit deeper.

I’ve been struggling a lot with so many different things. I feel like I’m unable to do much more than watch babies and change diapers. I may have a few other talents and abilities, but what good are they if I’m not able to use them.

This will be my last year of homeschooling. I can’t do it anymore. I shouldn’t have been doing it as long as I have. I don’t want to hear from anyone what a good job I’ve done so far because I know what my kids can and can’t do and they are behind on many things because of my inadequacy as a teacher. This was a very hard decision to make, especially for Jeremy, but we want our children to have the best and… well, frankly, I’m not that. I’ve had a very rough time dealing with this and I feel like it’s yet another thing I’ve failed at.

The things I like to do… Singing and photography, I’m unsure of where to go with those things. I mean, I’m just a wife and mom. I didn’t even finish college and no, for those wondering, I’m not going back to college. How do I go anywhere with my singing when that’s all I do? I don’t play any of my instruments well enough to do so for outside my family or friends and I don’t write music. All I do is sing… As for photography, I’m not someone who likes to go do posing people and stuff like that. I like to catch life and nature as it happens. Where do I go with that? With the advance of digital photography and DSL cameras being more available to more people, there are a lot more people taking pictures these days, I feel like that passion is no longer something special.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to open up and say what I was feeling.

This is one of those posts that I’m not even sure I’ll keep up… I guess we’ll see.

Charlie is Home

I appreciate all the prayers and encouragement given while Charlie was in the animal hospital. I was really worried about him.

When I took him in on Monday morning, I didn’t expect him to make it very long. Everyone at the vet’s office said he looked bad and though they told me they’d do their best, they also didn’t disguise the fact that they also didn’t expect him to live through it.

I called to see how he was and if I could visit on Tuesday. They told me he was doing so well, sitting up and purring and he’d probably be happy to see me. I came in between Little A leaving and when I had to go pick up Jeremy from the train station. I walked in and he perked up immediately. He got so excited and stood up and started walking around the cage. He had his catheter and IV in and a cone on his head. He couldn’t rub his head on me, but he headbutted me a lot. It was sweet. It was hard to leave him. I closed the cage and he sat down with his head against the bars watching me walk away. It hurt, but I knew it was the best.

They said they would be taking out his catheter on Wednesday morning and then see how he did without it. They thought he’d be able to come home on Wednesday afternoon or Thursday morning. I waited all day on Wednesday for the phone call and it didn’t come. I started getting worried when I still didn’t get a call on Thursday morning. I was ready to call them when they finally called around 2pm. They’d had to watch him for a bit longer than they had previously expected, but once they were sure he was eating enough and able to urinate okay, they gave me a call. I picked him up that afternoon, just after Little A left.

When I got him home, he went around and greeted all the kids, getting petted by each of them before he jumped up onto my lap. He sat there for an hour and a half, purring and rubbing his head on my hand if I stopped petting him. After I had to get up, he sat down on a cushion on the back of the couch where I like to sit, so he’d be behind my head when I sat back down. We had to start a new feeding routine that night also. Charlie is on special medicated food for his bladder, so we needed to separate the two cats so they could eat their own food. Neither of them were used to the fact that they couldn’t eat together.

On Friday, other than the times I had to go out of the house, Charlie stayed nearby me. He sat on my lap almost everytime I sat down. I noticed that if I got up and moved to another room, he’d follow. Last night, a friend came over and Charlie got really nervous. He wouldn’t let her touch him and he had these huge eyes, showing he was scared.

Today, he seems to be doing even better, though still a bit clingy. He and Mittens are still getting used to their new feeding routine, but you can tell they are figuring it out.

It is good to have my baby back home.

My CharlieCat

This weekend, my sweet puppy-cat got sick. He seemed fine on Friday, but wouldn’t eat on Saturday morning and started puking. He crawled under the table and layed there for a few hours. Throughout the day, he changed his place of refuge a few times… under my bed, in the shoe closet, in James’ closet, and finally he hid under Noelle’s bed late that night.

On Sunday, he stayed under Noelle’s bed and other than moving around under there a few times, he didn’t leave. The bed is too low for me to get under or I would have crawled under. He didn’t eat. He didn’t drink. He didn’t do anything. I knew that I needed to get him to the vet the next day or he’d die from dehydration if not from whatever was making him sick.

This morning, he’d come out and was sitting next to the girls’ bedroom door. He meowed weakly at me as I kneeled down to check on him. He was panting and I called the Animal Hospital. There wasn’t a dr there yet, but there were the people who come in to take care of the animals in ICU and that are being boarded there. They answer the phone in case of emergancy and when I told them about Charlie, they said they’d page the dr and to bring him in right away.

I live only a mile from the hospital, so I got there before the Dr. The techs started checking Charlie out… found out he was way too cold and put heat on him. He looked so scared, but I could tell he liked the heat. The dr came in and told me that from his symptoms, it sounded like he had a urinary blockage and problems with his kidneys. My poor Charlie has had a bit of a problem with his kidneys all of his life, but this was way too hard on him. She told me what she would need to do to help him and though she was very comforting, she didn’t smooth over the fact that he was a very sick kitty and she didn’t expect him to make it. She said she’d call and let me know how he was in a couple hours. I went home and busied myself painting our bathroom to pass the time.

After four hours, I still hadn’t had a phone call. I called them asking for an update. An hour later, the dr called me back. She’d had a few other emergencies come in after Charlie, so she was a busy woman. She told me that they removed a big blockage from Charlie’s urinary tract and put a catheter in to help him and found a lot of bloody urine backed up behind the blockage. She said they almost lost him while they were working on him, but he came through and is doing better, even purring a bit when they pet his head. Now, it’s a waiting game. Still touch and go. They have him on IV to see if they can flush out more of the toxins, but they aren’t sure if his kidneys have been permanently damaged. If they have, it may be better to put him down.

Anyway, I was told that if he’s doing okay tomorrow, I can come visit him. If his kidneys are okay, he’ll hopefully be able to come home on Wednesday or Thursday.

Wow… a 12 Year Old Son

He’ll be a teenager in a year. That will be 2 of my 5.

Yesterday was his birthday. I think he had a good day. We gave him his present in the morning, so he could enjoy it during the day. A digital camera. He took pictures and then uploaded them to the desktop and edited them. Hehehe… that’s my boy! He did some more of his photography today also. I love watching how he sees things from behind a camera.

He picked tacos for dinner. We ate until we were full, so we decided to wait to have the birthday dessert until today. Brownies with chocolate chips sprinkled on them and ice cream. Well, for James… soy ice cream, but he loves it.

Today, he impressed me. He was messing up more than usual while playing a game and said, “This is the last one because I’ll get too mad if I keep going.” and he stuck to it. In previous times, he’d keep trying and trying, but his frustration would make it harder and harder to play the game, which only made him angrier… until I made him turn it off. I was very proud of him for making this decision today and saving himself from all the frustration and anger.