My dear friends,
I have had many people ask me how I’m doing and what is going on. Those who know have asked for updates as dr’s appointments come and go. Those who don’t have kept me encouraged by letting me know they are praying for me and thinking of me. So many people have texted, called, e-mailed, and left messages on Facebook. I am very grateful to find out how many people care.
I’ve been struggling with some things for a while… depression, anxiety, stress. This last year has seemed even rougher than usual for me. I just thought it was with all the different things going on… my messed up wrist, AnnaBeth’s broken collar bone, Christine’s stitches, CharlieCat almost dieing, and my grandpa dieing. By the end of January/beginning of February, I was a mess. I couldn’t cope with a lot of things.
Starting the last week of January, I stepped away from internet communications for a while… except for my blog and e-mail. I didn’t chat or go to Facebook and really cut down a lot of my texting. I started making more phone calls to friends and having that more personal contact. It helped a little but I was still having horrible anxiety attacks. Finally in mid-February, one friend talked to me and pretty much insisted I call a dr the next work day. I was hesitant about calling my dr, but when the time came, I got a postcard in the mail saying to call my dr for a check-up. I called.
I didn’t even have to bring up how I was feeling. As soon as the dr walked into the room, she saw my anxiety. I was in a full-blown panic attack. I was shaking and when I tried to talk, I kept repeating words and stuttering. She sat down and we talked for a little while about it and how it was affecting me in every day life. It was a really hard appointment to me, but it was so very good to have someone to talk to that could help. She put me on some medication… the lowest doses to see if it would help and I made an appointment to come back after 6 weeks to see how I was doing on it. I left there feeling like a failure to have to fall back on medication, but I knew I couldn’t do it by myself anymore.
(I’m going to write more tomorrow… this is really hard to write out. Plus, it’s long, so I’m giving it in segments. So… more later.)