Not Just the Winter Blahs

I wasn’t sure whether or not to post this, but I am not just a happy, giggly, bouncy person. I have a lot more to me and so I’m going to let you all in a bit deeper.

I’ve been struggling a lot with so many different things. I feel like I’m unable to do much more than watch babies and change diapers. I may have a few other talents and abilities, but what good are they if I’m not able to use them.

This will be my last year of homeschooling. I can’t do it anymore. I shouldn’t have been doing it as long as I have. I don’t want to hear from anyone what a good job I’ve done so far because I know what my kids can and can’t do and they are behind on many things because of my inadequacy as a teacher. This was a very hard decision to make, especially for Jeremy, but we want our children to have the best and… well, frankly, I’m not that. I’ve had a very rough time dealing with this and I feel like it’s yet another thing I’ve failed at.

The things I like to do… Singing and photography, I’m unsure of where to go with those things. I mean, I’m just a wife and mom. I didn’t even finish college and no, for those wondering, I’m not going back to college. How do I go anywhere with my singing when that’s all I do? I don’t play any of my instruments well enough to do so for outside my family or friends and I don’t write music. All I do is sing… As for photography, I’m not someone who likes to go do posing people and stuff like that. I like to catch life and nature as it happens. Where do I go with that? With the advance of digital photography and DSL cameras being more available to more people, there are a lot more people taking pictures these days, I feel like that passion is no longer something special.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to open up and say what I was feeling.

This is one of those posts that I’m not even sure I’ll keep up… I guess we’ll see.

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Mom to 5 children, born between 1997 and 2003. I enjoy reading books, blogs, and e-mail. I collect instruments and want to learn how to play a good variety of them. I love singing, especially with my children.

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